Journey towards Self Awakening

Introduction

This for YOU who have encouraged me to write again . To look into that creative side of me. You are one of the most influencial person in my life and I couldn’t thank you enough for always seeing the different light that shines in me. For being with me all through out this Journey of Self awakening.

Journey towards Self Awakening : Indestructible

Have you ever been in that phase of your life when everything works fantastic? You felt like nothing will ever hurt you . You have this bulletproof jacket that protects so hard you are actually just numbing .

Work life is great , home life you can’t complain.. YES! this is the INDESTRUCTIBLE PHASE everything is just the way you like it .

This is my life , I love to be in control of everything and can anticipate of every action that the people around me would do. I limit my circle for I want to be in control. No one can touch me, see me .. Because in my mind if I am invisible then I am Indestructible . For years I have enjoyed this lifestyle .

I called it being “shy” but its actual its being scared of exposing myself to uncertainties. Learning my lessons from the past that being Kind and Vulnerable is like a wounded animal in the middle of the jungle. I wore layers of bulletproof jacket … No one can touch me nor hurt me anymore . I am at the top of the world.

But am I happy ? .. a question that I would with all my wits justify as” being Happy is a choice to make ” an answer that would at times shut those inquisitive souls.

Until I stumbled and met this strange feelings unexpectedly.

The Pleasant Unpleasant Surprise

It is like in the middle of a calm ocean with my tiny stable boat. Every wave that’s hits me I am prepared every storm that comes, I know where is the nearest shore . Until one night out of nowhere a thunderstorm came along with a huge waves . They hit me insanely and my boat was capsized. Not in my wildest dream that I would ever be in the middle of these wild waters of the ocean . I don’t know want to be drown with these emotions of fear ,vulnerability, shame and uncertainties .

I tried to swim ashore with every bit of my strength . But the more I struggle the more that I am sinking . All my mind is telling me is to keep a float .

But how ? I am not prepared for this … I panicked , every muscles of emotions that my soul has is hurting . For the first time in years , I met vulnerability again and I felt alive.

Long time ago I met pain , rejections, betrayal and self pity. Back then I tried to counter this with kindness, compassion and love but the experienced was too intense that I end up retreating and started to wear my jacket of protection

The feeling of being alive engulfed me with mixed emotions .. It felt so good but painful, liberating but at the same time I felt oppressed, gave trust and at same time being betrayed .

I took a deep breath dive underneath the wild stormy waters of the ocean . Swim back up with a new resolution of embracing this unexpected turned of events . Made a vow of not swimming towards my life jacket but instead face this with strength and weakness , with joy and tears , pride and humility inside me . I know if I can swim safely ashore I will be a better version of me .

In Retrospective

In the midst of this ocean where I am vulnerable to all of these new sensations. I now learn that these wild waves broke me and taught me how to be humble and kind .

I will not resist the current of struggles instead I will flow along with gratefulness in my heart .

Not every creatures in this ocean would appreciate my existence .But I know that only those who SEE AND APPRECIATE ME matters. As long as I have these Dolphins who would lend their fins whenever I am exhausted to swim I will be okey .

The shore is already in sight and so is MYSELF .. I am thankful for YOU who made a the thunderstorm and capsized my boat . For I have learned a lot over myself.

My heart is full of gratitude , compassion, understanding and love . These are fires that will always burn inside me no matter what will the future brings .

As Ms Brenè Brown said “² Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness but it is also the birthplace of joy, innovation , creativity of belonging ,of love”.

To my Journey of Self Awakening .

² The power of Vulnerability Teaching on Authencity, Connection and Courage

A letter for Loida 

Dearest Caloi , 

  Our path had cross years ago for so wonderful reasons ( part of it was charming me with your rice cooking ability ) . You have taught me a lot of things about myself . I have always look up to you with love and respect. Reprimanding me is like a music to my ears . Teasing you and making you say ” agi waweng” due to reckless behaviour is  part of our friendship . 

  The blackhole that we had . I believe was more about Us figuring ourlives how to make it stable. On my side fighting the evils that i am dealing . We did it well Healing apart !  Those years of silence , i consider as our growing time . Learning different experiences . 

  These life experiences makes us more stronger and our friendship more colorful. You are STILL the same Loida I love and will always love . I am glad that we are still so much in love with our  friendship ( despite of the gap years) .

  In this lifetime we are lucky to have a Friend who understand you deeper than a sister and compliment your other shade .. I am lucky to have you  

  Thank you for constantly my reminding me  , my crazy talking partner and ice cream hunter betterhalf .. thank you for walking in my life way back then . I love you 

Ice cream… consolation for my aching heart. 

Ok I was planning to share an ice cream recipe of which i haven’t made. I just want to sound chique 😁😁. Since I am Tink and friends call me as JAckie of all trade (sister of Jack ). So lets make this as easy as possible (even though we know its not ) .

We all fall in love ( it can be with someone or something) at some point in our life. You know that kind of love that we thought would last forever . But then after a year or so things went downhill and you have decided to part ways .

Here is what I do to console my aching heart.

– Get a sundae glass

– Slice some colorful fruits

– 3 scoops of Vanilla ice cream

Procedure :

– Your life is full of meaning . You don’t feel that at this point . But trust me it is . Like your sundae glass, you are stylish and part of something important.

– Place the colorful fruits at the bottom of the sundae glass . Every situation that we have been through or we are into at this moment . It is always filled with colorful experiences some of them are good and some are hurtful . Appreciate the colors that you have been through. Never fixiate yourself to one shade ,for it will make you bitter and boring .

– Add the 3 scoops of Vanilla ice cream . Be neutral and open to the new and upcoming circumstances . Be like a Vanilla ,exquiste ,important yet neutral.

Topped these with chocolate sauce of boldness , whip cream of “I will be ok” and cherry of smile .

I can assure you whatever your in ,you

will be a better (not bitter) person
and looking back at this specific moment , you will smile and shake your head .

Enjoy your Ice cream and remember that the sun will always rise up and will shine at your horizon .

Tink

Food for my soul (my DIY for life’s bumps ) 

Hi! I am Tink , mother,daughter ,sister , wife and a friend. I am no expert nor a writer. I am just Tink trying to hold my sanity in the midst of life’s  insanities . 

In these series of me trying to write .To share my nips and tucks when life is not working the way i  hope for . I hope some of these could make the burden of your soul lighter and make you smile a  little .

I love cooking .. this my therapy . Here , I start the FOOD for my Soul chrononicles .

10 yrs ago  suddenly lost someone very dear and special . My youngest brother.. The pain is unbearable and I felt like a part of me was taken away . Here was my way in surviving that agony .  

 Soup  for surviving the pain in Losing a Loved One. 

5  cups of  no question

2 cups of  humbleness 

3 -4 cups of conversations 

1.5 liters courage 

Seasoned it with tears and  love 
Procedure : 

– All things happen for a reason (as an old cliche says ) .  Just face the situation head on with No Question Asked.

– We cannot win against death . Humble ourselves down ,   no matter how good we are,  there are situations in life that is out of our control .

– Hold on ,talk to our loved ones .. its by sharing the pain of loss that makes everything bearable . 

-Pour a lot of Courage in facing that empty moments  . It will get better . 

– Cry till your Tears will dry down. When your ready get up face life with love. 

SERVED this SOUP  with Acceptance . We shall learn to smile again looking back at the memory of our loved ones 
Day by day it will be okey 

Tink 

#Foodformysoul #dailydiyforlifesbump  #tinkstriestowrite 

We start here

I murmur through my thoughts

Whisper through the winds

My heart felt the rush of joy , of excitement as I would embark a journey within me .

Searching the deepest voice of my soul . Unfolding the face of my heart .

Here I write ,I express my vulnerability ..

Join me as we wonder through my mind

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