This is to all of you who have taught me the beauty and lessons of Love . Those of you who guided me through the different phases and faces of Love. I will try to peel Love in my own way, Here is my own version of Love oh My love .
The Love Giver
As an eldest in the family it has always been a given fact that I would take care of my younger siblings whether they were my brothers or my cousins . My nurturing skills has been developed at an early age ; I don’t mind taking sacrifices just for the sake of the well being of those who are dear to me .
During my younger years , at the time when the marriage of my parents were so troubled and they fought furiously , I would end up fighting back to my father to protect my mother and brothers . I would get hurt , but it was all worth it as long as my brothers were protected and my mother was spared from his abused and fist .
Years I have been a Love giver , I don’t mind if it was not reciprocated they way it should be all that matters was that they were happy and I believed that I was too . As a Love giver it is very surprising to be loved . A process that I have to learned and told myself I am worth a love just like others .
Yes, we also have to be the Love receiver . It is in this cycle that we filled our cup to be able to give again . For we can not give what we don’t have .I have observed that if my Love cup is empty self -pity and unworthiness comes .
We should give love because we are overflowing from it. I share love with a smile and without expectations . If you have read my Journey to Self Awakening : Discovering the Inner Strength I have discussed there the “FIRE” that glows in the middle of my stomach .. It is also that same fire that I would touch to let the love in me glow and warmth those people that I cared for. Learning the beauty of being a love giver through topping up from love that I have received around me, turns Love into compassion and kindness .
Loving Me, Myself and I
” Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever” – Brene Brown
Ever since I encountered Love , the phrase LOVE THY Self was the first quote that I have learned. As I grew older I started to asked what does it really means by Loving THY SELF. Loving Me means I should be my own bestfriend, But we have a problem here for I am more of my own critic than a friend. This is the irony of all ironies I don’t know how to be my friend , everytime I commit a mistake or a not so good decision everyone around me would say it is okay except me . For days I would shame myself for not performing well, I see the microscopic imperfections and all others that goes with it .
Until that one moment in my life , I must make a choice that everyone disagreed and all the people that I thought would understand me turned their back on me . So, here I am face to face with myself . That meeting was awkward, I felt alone with a stranger within me .We started talking more, she tells me kind words and I would cry and she would comfort me . Myself becomes my rock my shelter.
I become a friend to myself and love me for my imperfectness. This is the moment that I felt one with myself and it felt so good .I would own every mistakes that I made with understanding and embrace every scars of lessons with compassion .
It is still a long process and there are days wherein as Ms.Brene Brown would call it in her book Daring Greatly “the gremlins of shame” would be kicking my ass but like a monk I would take a deep breath and would search inside me for the sunlight of courage that would kill these gremlins .
No matter how bruise I am, as long as I will show up for me with that loving gaze , then I know I will be okay.
I am proud of me because I am brave enough to love me with vulnerability.
Essence of Love
Let me end this journal with a thought that Love is showing up for yourself and for others with kindness, compassion and understanding . It is giving without any expectations in return.
Love is fighting for yourself with grace and dignity .
You are the most beautiful form of LOVE that this universe ever have.
Let the loving energy within you sparks .